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December 15, 2006

Friday Recap: Parking

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Now, before we start, I’d like to bring everyone’s attention to a problem we are facing here at Bruce Clay. In the picture below you will see two cars. The car on the left belongs to Bruce Clay SEO Analyst Darren Slatten. The car on the right belongs to our beloved Susan Esparza. Notice how close the side mirrors are.

Darren, please learn to optimize your parking. If you scratch Susan’s baby I will never hear the end of it. We wouldn’t want to wake up one day and find out that something horribly tragic happened to you, now would we?

Though Todd’s completely accurate in calling it an ‘the equivalent of an email chainletter”, there’s a fun meme circulating the blogosphere called “blog tag”. So far we’ve learned lots of interesting tidbits about our favorite search folk. Graywolf tagged me so look for mine later (assuming I can come up with 5 interesting facts about myself, which will be trying.).

Over at Search Engine Watch (you remember them, right?), Greg Jarboe shares the news that Wordtracker will be holding a contest to find the next Google Guru. The winner will be taken to the Disney Resort in Florida for a 5-day workshop. Here’s what I got from reading that: Blah, blah, Disneyworld vacation, blah, blah, blah.

I would never challenge Kalena Jordan’s optimization smarts, but I will challenge her claim that search engine optimization is no longer sexy? Search engine optimization is plenty sexy, I mean, what’s sexier than a parasitic dreidel sucking the life out of an avatar version of Barry Schwartz? That’s pure sex appeal.

Obviously, I can’t make it through this recap without mentioning SEOmoz’s giggle-worthy SES Chicago Recap cartoon. It’s pure hilarity. Rand and Rebecca did a fabulous job capturing the essence of Jason Calacanis and portraying the soon-to-be-patented Sullivan Shimmy. Hmm, I wonder what Rand’s doing right now?
This is super important. The UK’s Social Issue Research Center (via GMSV) lists the first five signs of Mouse Rage, a deteriorating syndrome caused by site owners not following usability guidelines. Trust me, you don’t want to see the last five signs. It only gets uglier.

Vanity Fair (via JB) compiled a list of Dick Cheney’s Google searches. Some of the more notables include:

ahmadinejad members only beige jacket (heh)
lynne cheney MySpace
hunting accident manslaughter pleas

“Hunting accident manslaughter pleas” for, you know, that time he shot that guy in the face.

PC World presents the 15 Best Places to Waste Time on the Web. Surprisingly, MySpace is not on the list. (Or at least I don’t think it is; I can’t get numbers 12-15 to load.) I’ve lost full days on MySpace. And Craigslist.

Scoble reveals that his first girlfriend tracked him down via the Internet after not speaking since 1983 (I was a year old!). I was okay with that, until it sparked some moderately depressing comment banter about people wanting to reconnect with long lost loves. Move on, weirdos. Just because you chewed on the same piece of Playdough when you were five doesn’t make you soul mates.

David Naylor has launched his own social networking site called TickMe. I’m holding my opinion because frankly, David Naylor scares me. And I wasn’t cool enough to get “tick’d” anyway.

Gray Hat News penned their own take on the much publicized Dean Hunt letter and investigates the rumor that Google infantilizes their staff. I’m not going to lie, it still makes me laugh.

The Google Operating System blog created a list of What Google Can’t Do, including mail, blogs, search, ads, or anything for that matter.

People are sharing all the holiday gifts they have been receiving from Google and it’s making me hungry. So far we have gingerbread houses and pantless little gingerbread men. Now if there was some Google pumpkin pie, I’d be really impressed.

It turns out our honorable Danny Sullivan is something of a speed demon. So watch out!

To help you properly get in the spirit of the holidays, Nathan pointed us to an amusing Jib Jab video that breaks down all the crazy things that happened this year. If you’re looking for something a little more ‘traditional’, you may also enjoy the Scrub’s version of A Charlie Brown Christmas. And it’s always helpful to learn how to photograph Christmas lights.

If you’re looking for a holiday gift for that special lady in your life, how about a talking bikini? It’s sad that we now force our swimwear to tell us when we’ve had a little too much sun. If you’re belly is sizzling, it might be time to turn over. Otherwise we’ll make you listen to another one of Bruce’s You Might Be A Redneck jokes. It’s not pretty.

[Lisa totally missed the super addicting snowflake creator at Popular Front. I can’t even express to you how much fun I’ve had with this since I ran across the link about a week ago. Here’s my most recent snowflake. Oh yeah, they’re giving money to the Salvation Army for every quarter million snowflakes created so your wasted time can be written off as charity. –Susan] — Is that what you’re going to tell Bruce when he asks what you’ve been doing the past week?

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