Friday Recap: Extra Toe SEO Edition
I’m officially back from my Bruce Clay SEOToolSet training adventure (way smarter, I might add) and it’s Friday Recap time. Can you even handle this much excitement? Huzzah!
Okay, so maybe you’re not huzzah-ing right along with me, but hopefully you’re more excited about today’s Recap than Marissa Mayer was about visiting Google China. Marissa looks like someone just beat her cocker spaniel right in front of her pretty little eyes.
The Inquirer reports that Bill Gates restricts his daughter’s computer usage to 45 minutes a day. He’s probably just trying to prevent young Phoebe from turning out as nerdy as he is. We’ve all seen that pic of Bill looking sultry on his computer desk, right? Save the girl! [Save the world? -Susan] I feared you were going to do that.
Google’s pitching in and helping Michael Gray find a new love interest. It turns out Michael is not a good match for himself, but he is a good match for Matt Cutts and Jason Calacanis. Michael, we say go with Matt. Jason Calacanis is as stable as a Digger and he’d never fully appreciate you.
Former Gizmodo editor Joel Johnson wrote a touching blog post to his adoring fans, telling them exactly what he thought of them. He said, in part:
“…And you guys just ate it up. Kept buying shitty phones and broken media devices green and dripping with DRM. You broke the site, clogging up the pipe like retarded salmon, to read the latest announcements of the most trivial jerk-off products, completely ignoring the stories about technology actually making a difference to real human beings, because you wanted a new chromed robot turd to put in your pocket to impress your friends and make you forget for just a few minutes, blood coursing as you tremblingly cut through the blister pack, that your life is utterly void of any lasting purpose.”
Expect a special weekend blog post from yours truly about how utterly worthless I think you all are. You damn, no-good fools. Kidding. I’ll save it for Monday.
Google Blogoscoped told us about Google Percent, an internal site for Googlers to find out how many Google employees are newer than they are. This is totally fun. I played my own version of this game during SEOToolSet training this week (in between all the hard listening, of course). Turns out I’m older than an account manager, an IT guy (sort of), a handful of SEO analysts. I’m practically an old dinosaur like Bruce. [Yeah, you don’t get to count the IT guy. Or one of the analysts for that matter. –Susan] Untrue. I get to count both the IT guy and that analyst of which you speak. Their clocks have been reset. You just can’t accept that I’m no longer your worthless minion. I have BC street cred now.
Check out this frozen tidal wave. If that thing starts to thaw, I’d recommend you get the hell out of Dodge. (via Dooce)
Good Morning Silicon Valley goes way back and points to a 1996 version of those “I’m A PC/ I’m A Mac…” ads. Basically we learn that back then PC users went to Harvard Law, while Mac users sat on the steps at Berkeley contemplating the meaning of the denim jacket and the Jerry Seinfeld haircut.
Has anyone ever noticed that longhaired Larry Page looks kinda like Mac boy Justin Long? He also kind of looks like a dinosaur. I’d be careful of that.
Kind of alarming, GMSV tells us that Steve Jobs hates kindergarten teachers because it’s too hard to fire them. Yes, everyone knows how those deceitful, hug-bearing kindergarten teachers keep taking advantage of the system.
And of course, Things I Learned From BoingBoing This Week:
- Catch a cop doing something wrong and you could be charged with “stalking”. There are so (so, SO) many ways I could respond to this but I’d probably be arrested for slander. Drop me an email and we’ll talk privately!
- Here’s a visual lesson in HTML tags. My favorite is the tag for preformatted text. There’s nothing cuter than baby belly. (Not to be confused with pregnant baby belly.)
- The Chinese government imprisons and gives electric shock to people they think have become addicted to the Internet. Oh. My. God.
- I dated a boy once who was afraid to go into the ocean for fear he’d be eaten by a sea creature. I used to mock him incessantly, but it turns out he may have been right (well, about the ocean. Otherwise he was/is a total moron). Did you know there are 990lb squids in New Zealand? I suddenly have an intense desire to be landlocked.
- Spy ears: The Must Have accessory for SES New York. Not that I would ever wear these around the hotel bar. That would be wrong. [Those look expensive, get this instead! –Susan]
- Irene McGee’s apartment burned down. She’s that girl from Real World Seattle who had a very dramatic television-induced case of Lyme disease, got her stuff animal thrown in the river, and was then bitch slapped by Stephen. Tough day.
- A New Zealand cat named Extra was born with 26 toes. I can’t even imagine the trouble Jack Jack would cause with 26 toes. He’s a liability with…how many toes does a cat have again?