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September 28, 2007

Friday Recap: MySpace Alien Edition

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It’s kind of cold and gloomy here in Southern California today. Bad weather in SoCal means you get to treat yourself and basically run amuck. Susan and I are going to celebrate with some burgers and funnel cakes for lunch later. Maybe there will even be spiral-cut whole potatoes with tangy cheese powder. Heart attacks are delicious.

Speaking of Susan, I think I’m going to be nice and go buy her some new shoes. What do you think about these? I’m particularly fond of the rat shoes. She’ll love them. My hope is that she’ll love so much that she’ll go out and buy me one of the many unlocked iPhones floating around. That’d be fun for everyone. [If I buy one, it’s going to be for me. Plus I never wear rat after Labor Day. –Susan] Ew.

In case the shoes don’t go over well, WikiHow has a nice article on how to apologize. I don’t think I’ll need it, though, I mean, she’s the one trying to kill me. I’m just being a good pretend friend.

The Onion revealed Google’s plans to create thegoogle.com, a site for older adults who have trouble accessing the mighty complicated Google.com. Google hopes the new site will soon replace “Yahoo Internet Website.com” as the most popular engine for the over 55 set. Heh.

Todd Friesen thinks people are going too crazy over the Facebook/Microsoft rumors that have been circulating as of late. I think Todd was going a little crazy with that sweet URL. Let’s throw sheep at him!

Oh, and did you hear? Google sent Shimon Sandler legos. Giant legos. Want!

This week, Googler Niniane Wang shared an uncomfortable story about what happens when you’re a female alone in a strange place with a married man. Basically, he forgets he’s married and begins stalking you. Sweet! Ladies, be careful out there. Guys are dumb.

Cracked.com has a list of the 8 most needlessly detailed Wikipedia entries. I’m torn. I agree that I don’t need a detailed recap of every episode of 7th Heaven (or any episode, for that matter), but I’m very interested in the line of succession for the British throne. I mean, how else am I going to know who I need to marry so that I can become a real live princess? [Oh no, I’m removed from succession for being Roman Catholic! Now what do I do? –Susan]

The Consumerist advises using rust stickers to make your car look like crap and therefore less steal-able. If sticker application doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, just drive your car into a pole. That works equally well and you don’t have to worry about the stickers coming off.

Writers know that sometimes there is a great danger in creating dummy headlines. You see, sometimes you forget to take them out. I can’t tell you how many blog posts were almost titled “Something Something Something” or “Really Clever Title”. [For every time that one was, I had to listen to ten minutes of whining about how I didn’t give her a good headline. Yes, “We’re going to be eaten by bears” was my fault. No, I’m not sorry. –Susan] That one awesome headline has been your only contribution to society, to date.

Look. It’s a shampoo bottle that comes with very specific instructions to help moms ride the bus to beautiful. Is that like the short bus? Susan talks about having to ride that one a lot.

Comcast tells us something I’ve been telling my mother for years. Skorts are never, ever appropriate attire. I don’t care what day of the week it is, where you’re going or how old you are.

What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever seen? Is it a lounging lizard posing on a mini purple sofa? I bet it might be.

Research says that exercise doesn’t necessarily make you lose weight. I wonder if eating lots and lots of funnel cake does? I’m going to go try.

Friendly Tip: If the mobile home you’re living in catches on fire, it’s okay to run and bring the dog with you. Just make sure you also remember to bring the children.

Things I Learned From BoingBoing This Week:

Lastly, everyone at Bruce Clay, Inc. (except Susan) wishes Bruce a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Bruce, our fearless leader and keeper of the Red Vines, will turn 105 on Sunday. Well, 105 in Internet years anyway. Congrats, boss! (Hmm, Google and Bruce’s birthdays are just mere days apart. It’s like fate or something.)

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