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June 1, 2007

Friday Recap: Becoming Famous Edition

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Hi, people. It’s Friday (and National Doughnut Day!), Mike Grehan is now a card-carrying Bruce Clay employee (!), Susan is in Vegas and out of my face the office, and I leave for Seattle on Sunday. Huzzah, huzzah!

[Because Susan is off playing with her imaginary friends in Vegas (at least she stopped causing all that trouble in India), I invited the always charming BC SEO Analyst Darren Slatten to share his insights during today’s Recap. Everyone wave to Darren, but don’t be too friendly or he’ll never go away.]

[I hate to interrupt, but I do believe the square-bracketed text is reserved for ME. We can’t BOTH use the square brackets…that would be confusing for all our reader. (No, that’s not a typo.)] – Do you not read the blog? You’re supposed to end your comments with “- Darren”. Dude, either learn the rules or you can’t play. I’ll add them for you this one time.

First a fun video solely because Susan isn’t here to take it out and beat me in the face for having the nerve to put it in. It tells you everything you ever needed to know about becoming famous.

[Hey Lisa…replace the killing with some blogging, and that video pretty much becomes a documentary of your life. – Darren] – Sad, right?

Google released its new Street View for Google Maps this week and introduced us to a lot of really interesting people. There was the guy breaking into someone’s house; the bowlegged, freaky-haired guy, a kitty in a kitty tree, a tollbooth worker, a woman up to no good, a jogger, two guys checking out a girl on the street, a soon-to-be-divorced fellow, and even an alien! Spying in 2007 is so much fun!

If you would rather disallow Google from entering your life and making you a Google Maps celebrity, throw a Robots.txt file on your front law. Or just stay in your house with the blinds closed.

I feel bad. I posted that pretend picture of Susan last week and I think I hurt her feelings. She doesn’t really look like a giant hog. To make it up to her, here’s the first-ever picture of me and Susan together taken on the day of my blog queen coronation.

Kidding! Here’s what Susan really looks like. Are there degrees of fired?

Okay, boys and girls, now let’s talk. Shooting people is bad. I don’t care if they said you were only allowed three packets of chili sauce. This still does not give you permission to shoot them. Instead, try less violent forms of communication, like talking down to them because they work at Wendy’s and the highlight of their day is telling people with real jobs how many chili sauce packets they’re allowed.

[These are my two favorite quotes from this article:

  1. “…the manager was shot several times in the arm, but didn’t suffer serious injury.”
  2. “Police are still searching for the chili sauce shooter, who drove off with a woman in his car.”

I don’t know the technical definition of “serious injury,” but in MY book, taking several bullets to my arm would definitely qualify. As for the second quote… who is this woman in the car? Did the author awkwardly add that detail last-minute, or did the Chili Sauce Shooter open fire, abduct a female bystander, and drive away? That’s not cool, Mr. Sauce Shooter. Not cool at all. — Darren]

Speaking of real jobs, Karl Ribas needs a new one since I’m pretty sure he just got fired. Too bad, I was looking forward to running into him at SMX.

I’ve received a lot of emails about this, so here you go: The Rock Paper Scissors World Championship is taking place in Toronto on October 13. Okay? Now all you nerds can go make random hand gestures at one another and leave me alone.

So I may not have seen a lot of movies or be up on all those hip TV shows you people watched in the ’80s, but Zelda! [Wow… that sentence is perhaps the greatest non sequitur EVER. — Darren] Cellists playing Zelda! What could be cooler?

Nathan Weinberg got really pissed this week and put his hand through a glass window. The result? Nathan became a videoblogger. Can you handle that much New York in one sitting?

Some guy felt it necessary to document his chip-bag-closing technique. The music makes up for the lameness of the video. Well, until you realize that this guy had nothing better to do than document his chip-bag-closing technique. Then the lameness returns pretty quickly.

Meanwhile, Darren Barefoot depicts an average day on the Internet, these guys win the award for the Most Disturbing WD-40 Ad Ever, here are 15 Reasons Mister Rogers Was the Best Neighbor Ever (as if there was any doubt) and Improv Everywhere is making fun of suicide jumpers. Totally sweet.

Oh, and Susan’s mom pointed us to a site that shows bored people How to make Kool-Aid pickles. The results are totally disgusting and unappetizing. Well done, Mrs. Esparza!

[As long as we’re praising moms, I’d like to give a shout out to Mrs. Slatten for raising such a fine young man. I hope that one day I will be fortunate enough to have kids who are as intelligent, funny, charming, witty, and attractive as her kids.– Darren] – Please don’t have children. Or help anyone else raise theirs. Ever.

Things I Learned From BoingBoing This Week: Um, well, nothing really. I do like those motorcyclists keeping the planet clean by driving around and scraping each other off the road. Way to be, boys!


Look, it’s Chuck with a lemon on his head.]

Oh, and I’d like to “thank” Darren for his “intelligent” comments. Regrettably, I don’t think we’ll be seeing him on the blog anymore.

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One response to “Friday Recap: Becoming Famous Edition”

  1. Rebecca Kelley writes:

    Ah, the Zelda score. I’m so happy now.

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