If House was an SEO

I love soccer, I really do, I play as much as I can, normally about 3 times a week. On Saturday I was playing and managed to completely mangle my foot (I would post a picture but I don’t want to scare away what loyal readers we have). So I hobbled into work the other day [after a full 3 days of not pitching up might I just add – Kate] with my pimp cane [it is not cool, sorry to burst your bubble… – Kate] and was quickly dubbed House. It could be the designer stubble, the arrogance, the complete and utter narcissism or the fact that I call people numbers but it’s probably the cane and the limp. It got me thinking, if House was an SEO, what would he be like?

House is a maverick, a brilliant physician and a master at diagnosis, he is also slightly mentally unstable and a loner. His methods are often unconventional and put him at odds with his superiors and co-workers and his character has many similarities to Sherlock Holmes. With all these bizarre character traits what kind of SEO would he be?

Well first of all I reckon house would be a freelancer, his loner status and inability to play nice with others would mean this would be his most productive role. House only takes cases which are interesting to him and being as good as he is, means he could cherry pick his clients and only take the interesting cases. House would be a master at diagnosing why a site is not ranking or why traffic is on the downturn. However, House is very abrasive and probably would do what he thinks is best with no regard to what his current employer/designer/marketing department wants, I could see him quoting Henry Ford when he said “If I’d asked my customers what they wanted, they’d have said a faster horse”. I could see House getting up at an SMX site clinic and not only completely ripping apart the site on view but also his fellow panel members (be interesting to see how Matt Cutts or Rand Fishkin would respond to that). [I think even mighty Matt would just wanna grab an autograph! – Kate]

In the TV series House is addicted to Vicodin, in my quasi world with House as an SEO he would be addicted to Redbull staying up all night long analysing hundreds of thousands of lines of codes to see why his client’s site is doing badly [Sounds like the BCA analysts – Kate]. He would also come up with new, inventive and innovative search engine optimisation techniques to boost the sites under his control [thats more like the BCA search managers… – Kate]. House is one of those people who are missing the brain-mouth filter and it would be a joy to see him in conversation with a bluechip CEO saying exactly what he thinks of the current online marketing activities.

I think House would be one engaging, entertaining, brilliant and infuriating exponent of SEO and would love to see someone of his ilk actually in the SEO world, do you know of any House-esque characters in the online world ?

Have a good weekend all.

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